People too often avoid serious conversations. There are many reasons for this, but because it is a problem that many do not even recognize, I begin by explaining why we need to increase our willingness to engage each other. We must, especially, engage those we disagree with. That, though, has to be done with civility—which is not to say we must be polite. Still, it is hard to engage people productively, especially when we disagree. When people feel attacked, they either back away (disengage) or attack–and all of that is unproductive. The bulk of what I say here is about how to use standard principles of toleration to productively engage each other.